Thursday, December 14, 2006

It is hard to find the right guy in an older younger relationship

Finding the right guy is challenging. If you are younger, you are going to be worried that the older guy just wants you for sex, and is not interested in you or your future, or your dreams. Yes, you are still young enough to have dreams.

If you are older, you are concerned that the younger guy is not really interested in you as a person but simply wants the easy life you can give him, and of course you do willingly because all your want is the sex right? Ha! That is the dilemma.

Finding the right guy:
This day and age it's hard to find the right place to post a profile. For older guys, at least, it can be ego damaging to place your profile on just any gay dating site and then get told that you're an old perv when you send email to younger guys you find attractive. Younger guys, hitting on older guys won't be taken all that seriously either. It's best to find a site that caters specifically to your interest. Here are some examples and comments:

www.imoldenuff.com
This site is perfectly suited to younger or older searchers. It's new so there are not many profiles yet. Add yours and keep checking back. Quality sites tend to grow quickly.

www.silverdaddies.com

This site has become one of the focal points of older/younger searching. That's the good news AND the bad news. The chat has become too crowded and is fairly unintelligible. The site is successful and therefore fairly limited in what you can do. Most of the posts have hidden email addresses. So, on this site you have to pay to play.

So, what are you faced with when you find someone? Well, first there is the normal getting to know one another. There are also normal logistical problems. Older guys tend to own homes and can't move that easily, or they are where they want to be. Younger guys are a little more flexible (socially) but may be attending school and must finish before making any big moves.

When you get together there are all sorts of social issues you will have to deal with. For example, in public, quite often people will assume father and son. Maybe that's what you were hoping for in the bedroom but it's always tough to know what to say in public. Then, assuming the younger partner is out, there is the age thing. It's just a bit weird meeting the parents when you're their age. It was probably hard enough for them to get used to the idea of their son being gay, now they have to deal with a "son in law" that is the same age or maybe even older.

As the relationship progresses beyond the honeymoon period and the awesome sex is no longer the only thing keeping things going, other things begin rearing their ugly heads. Things like interests. That hiking trip, when the young guy is ready for the next 50 mile trek, and the older partner was tired from the drive to the camp ground. Of course music tastes usually differ, but an open-minded couple can expand their tastes.

The most important thing through all of this is communicate communicate communicate. Take time to really talk about all the issues. You are venturing into a fairly high-risk relationship with lots of potential pitfalls. To navigate those successfully often takes a herculean effort.